A HAND FOR SANTA

 

On Christmas Eve

Don’t lay awake in bed

All you naughty girls

Blonde, brunette or red

For instead of presents

You may get a shock instead

You may catch Santa

Dressed in his suit of red

Emptying his sack

At the end of your bed

EMPTYING SANTA’S SACK

 

One Christmas Eve on a roof top up on high

A poor soul stands shouting up at the sky

He has lost his job and his wife has left him

And the size of his overdraft is quite grim

Finishing his rant to god he shuts his eyes 

Then he leaves a note saying his good-byes

He walks up to the edge ready to jump off

He stops when behind him he hears a cough

Father Christmas asks him "are you ok?"

And the man tells him the details of his day

He again walks to the edge of the rooftop

Then Father Christmas shouts, "please stop!"

“It’s Christmas so I’ll give three gifts to you

And I will have a small task for you to do”

Santa Claus says, “let me help you please”

The poor man is in such despair so he agrees

"That would be wonderful thanks,” he said

Father Christmas told him what was ahead

Firstly go home to your wife who is there

Waiting dressed in her sexiest underwear

Longing for you and begging forgiveness

She wants only you and your fond caress

And as for the recent loss of her affection

She will have absolutely no recollection

Secondly go into work after the holiday

Sit at your desk and work the same way

Your salary will have been well increased

Nobody remembers your employment ceased

Thirdly when you check your bank account

And you will be in credit by a large amount

The man is thrilled "oh thank you, thank you!"

Then said, “what is it that you want me to do?"

“Drop your trousers and then bend down”

The man is unsure agrees but wears a frown

Santa Claus gave him a brutal buggering

Leaving the poor man with eyes watering

Afterwards Santa asked, “how old are you?”

The man replied “actually I’m forty two”

 “Your too old to believe in me by quite a bit”

Said the fat gay bastard in the Santa outfit

THE HONEST SANTA FAIRY

 

A sorry old drunk is walking

Down the street one morning

Together with Santa Claus

The tooth fairy and of course

Honest John the Solicitor

When suddenly on their tour

At the very same moment

They spot on the pavement

Someone’s discarded wallet 

So who was it who got it?

The old drunk obviously

Because all of the other three

Only exist in mythology

A CHRISTMAS WISH

 

On a Christmas Eve at midnight

When I got into bed

I lay upon my pillow

And there beside my head

Was Santa with his trousers off

And this is what he said

Happy Christmas little girl

I’ve unwrapped this gift for you

So take this gift with pleasure

To make your wish come true

Because Santa comes but once a year

And tonight he comes with you

CHIMNEY NOOK

 

The next time you complain

At the lack of Christmas nookey

Spare a thought for old St Nick

And have a little sympathy

For he only comes but once a year

And then he’s up a chimney

FATHER AND CHRISTMAS

 

What do a Christmas tree

And a priest have in comparison?

The answer is simple to see

Their balls are just for decoration

Choice Tales from the Vale – (342) The Morning After the Night Before

 

It was the day after St Andrews day, and the morning following the celebration Dinner Dance at the Worsted Viper Hotel in Purplemere, and it was in a room at the Hotel where Jane Bloomfield was in bed with her boyfriend Greg Monroe.

They were sleeping late as they had partied late but Jane still woke about 7 am and spent the following hour drifting in and out of sleep before she got up to go to the toilet.

The moment she sat down there was a sharp release of early morning wind, then she removed her tampon, and when she realized her period was finished, she had a long relaxing pee with a smile on her face.

 

She got up from the loo and went straight into the shower to get herself clean and fresh and ready for action.

As she intimately washed herself she was thinking back to her performance under the table at the ball where she sucked and wanked off Greg’s formidable organ as well as looking forward to skewering herself on it.

She got out the shower and began drying herself

“Now I’m all clean I’m ready to get dirty again” she said to herself and as she sat on the edge of the bath drying her legs she dropped her towel when she had dried her inner thighs and slipped her fingers between her lips and couldn’t believe how creamy she was

“I can get it wetter than that” she said and went to work on herself

 

Greg heard the bathroom door slowly open and close again and then he felt the duvet move and he could hear the soft rustle of the sheets and the warmth of another body, the warmth of a naked body, a soft naked body.

He could feel Jane’s breath on his neck and her stiff nipples pressing in his back and the fluff of her freshly laundered bush brushing against his buttocks and he got the oh too familiar stirring in his loins as she was pressed so close against him it was like he had a second skin.

“Hello stud” she said as she slid her hand across his skin and grasped his semi aroused cock so he rolled onto his back and she stroked him to a full hard on and kissed him on the mouth with true conviction and plenty of tongue while her hand tugged on his shaft.

“I don’t think she’ll wait for foreplay,” Greg thought to himself

“She’s well and truly ready to go”

His suspicion was she had already started the party long before she crawled back into bed and it wasn’t long after that, a matter of moments no more, she let go of his shaft and climbed on to it.

Jane let out a long satisfying sigh as her hot creamy cunny encased his cock and she sat up in the saddle, rising and falling on him and eliciting pleasurable moans from him to match her own.

Glen took hold of her piston like hips as she slid her syrupy pussy up and down his shaft and her hands were on his chest as she diligently applied herself to the task, and as she neared her climax her delicious moans grew in intensity and she slumped forward until her head was on his chest and she groaned through gritted teeth as her pelvis thrusted towards the abyss.

Greg let his hands caress her slender form as he too approached the point of no return, and when they reached the frantic final thrusts Jane was like a wild beast lost in the moment so he gripped her arse firmly, before she screamed out in orgasm as he pumped out his ejaculate inside her hot quim.
She collapsed on top of him and panted like a well-exercised spaniel while he stayed inside, as her tight cunny held his cock captive in the heart of her.

After about five minutes she climbed off him with a sigh and collapsed on the bed next to him where she lay there with her right hand on his thigh.

Greg took hold of it in his and held it for a minute or two before raising it to his nose so he could sniff her fingers, but as soon as she realised what he was doing she snatched her hand away.

“Perv” she said

“I thought you’d started without me honey,” he said

“And I was right”

“You’re a pig” she said and turned her back to him, but she was laughing.

He knew she wasn’t easily embarrassed, after all the first time they got together came after he caught her masturbating as she sat on the toilet, and she didn’t stop.

“I’ve spoken to Clarissa and Mira” Jane said,
“And it seems like all the Monroe boys are perverts”

“You don’t normally complain about my perversions” he pointed out

“I’m not complaining now,” she said and rolled over to face him and immediately buried her face in his neck and there they lay for an indeterminate time before making love again.