21st CENTURY SAUCY NURSERY RHYMES # 001

 

Ride a cock horse to old Kings Cross

To find a lady of the night of course

With tattoos on their hips and a stud thru the nose

And a couple of quid buys you a couple of ho’s

Choice Tales from the Vale – (377) Tinkerbell Christmas

 

The traditional seaside resort of Sharpington-by-Sea has all the usual things to have a great time by the seaside, a Victorian Pier, seafront hotels, crazy golf, the Palladium ballroom, well maintained gardens, promenade, theatre, and illuminations, as well as amusement arcades and of course the Sharpington Fun Park, but it was the Seaview Hotel that was attracting groups of revellers from every corner of the Finchbottom Vale for the their company Christmas parties, most of them were singletons, and ranged in age from late teens to their early fifties.

Most of the party goers decided to make a weekend of it, looking for love or lust, or a combination of the two.

So those looking for a long weekend arrived in Sharpington on Friday morning and would stay until Sunday, with the party being on Saturday night, which in order to add to the fun was fancy dress.

It was the first time in Sharpington for some of the visitors, but many had been before and a few of them had only been in town for a few hours when they started to see a familiar face or two, at the Hotel, along the prom, in the café and on the pier, although for Agnes Burrell it was the Hotel reception.

It was a few minutes after she was handed the key for room 312 at the Seaview Hotel by a rather gruff receptionist that the familiar figure entered through the street door and stopped dead when he caught sight of her.

“Agnes Burrell” Joe Millar said coldly, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m staying here” she replied “Christmas Party”

“Oh great” he snapped “Me too”

 

Neither of them were happy to see each other, neither of them liked each other, they never had, not when they were at school, not when they were at university, and not when they worked together.

She hadn’t seen him for twelve months since he left the company to go and work for one of their suppliers.

Each of them had disliked the other for so long they didn’t know the reason for their loathing they just knew they didn’t like each other.

Suffice is to say they were very unhappy but resolved to avoid one another and make the most of a bad situation.

 

On Saturday night Agnes left her room in her fancy dress costume and she was very pleased with the way she looked.

Because she was almost an inch short of five feet, as slight as a feather, with skinny legs, she decided to go as Tinkerbell, which was perfect for her, and she looked cute and gorgeous.

 

Her good humour soon evaporated however when she got downstairs to find that not only was her nemesis sitting at her table, and he was sitting next to her, and he was dressed as Peter Pan.

“Oh, great now we look like a couple” she said sulkily

 

The ten people on their table were all coupled up and more interested in their companions than the rest of the table so any conversation was monosyllabic, so Peter Pan and Tinkerbell took consolation in their impromptu meeting and unfavourable seating placement by overindulging on the free wine which kept arriving at the table and each subsequent drink they found that their companion began to look more attractive and their companionship less onerous, so it was perhaps not surprising that they ended up in her room.

 

As she looked up at Peter Pan as he skewered her semi naked body while she wriggled like a fish on the riverbank, she thought he may be the boy who never grew up, but his cock certainly had, then he fucked her to that perfect point of climax, and when they came together, she screamed.

 

The next day, although she was physically a spent force, she was feeling very smug, and was unable to conceal that smugness when they checked out.

Her mind was awash with erotic images of her time with him, or perhaps that should have been the times with Peter Pan.

Agnes had no idea after he’d fucked her the first time when, or if, she would get to receive a fat cock like his again, so she decided to make the most of it and rode him all night.

 

Although they walked out of the Hotel together, she and Joe never acknowledged each other until they were outside and both went their separate ways with just a cheerio, as they had said a proper goodbye back in her room. 

 

As she and the girls walked to the carpark, she saw the car he was in drive past with him in the passenger seat and when he saw her, he gave her a wave and she waved back and blushed.

 

After what she had put him through the night before, she knew the motion of the car would very quickly lull him off into a coma, and

would probably sleep all the way home.

 

Agnes was still wearing a smug expression and thought it was a funny old life, starting the weekend viewing Joe with loathing, and ending with them looking forward to seeing one another again, very soon.

And Agnes need not have worried about never having a cock like his in her again, she got his in her two days later, and wanted nor had any other. 

Choice Tales from the Vale – (376) Halloween Home

 

On the west side of Downshire is Eastchapel, a quiet medieval village living in the shadow of its noisy neighbour, the Industrial powerhouse of Northchapel and its where Mike Oliver and his fuck buddy local vet Sue Mazzone lived.

They had been to a Halloween dinner at the Golf Club and were taking a shortcut home across the ninth fairway when Sue said

“I need a pee”

“We’re almost home” Mike pointed out

“I know, I thought I could wait, but I can’t”

“No problem” he said

“You go ahead, and I’ll catch up with you” Sue said

“I won’t be long” she suggested

“No, it’s alright I’ll stand guard” he offered

After a moment or two, there was the unmistakable sound of a full bladder being emptied onto autumn leaves.

“Do you need a hand drying your whiskers?” he asked

“Like you could get me dry” she said as she emerged from the trees and giggled and then she kissed him

“You only want to get amongst my whiskers so you can get me wetter and skewer me up against a tree or bend me across the bench” 

“No, I think I’d rather take you home to bed” he said

“I was hoping you’d say that” Sue said smugly and kissed him again

Choice Tales from the Vale – (375) Accidental Voyeur

 Mornington-By-Mere is a small country village lying in the Finchbottom Vale nestled between the Ancient Dancingdean Forest and the rolling Pepperstock Hills.

It is a quaint picturesque village, a proper chocolate box picturesque idyll, with a Manor House, 12th Century Church, a Coaching Inn, Windmills, an Old Forge, a Schoolhouse, a River and a Mere.

However, Mornington-By-Mere is not just a quaint chocolate box English Village it is the beating heart of the Finchbottom Vale.

 

This Christmas tale is set at Corner House which aptly stood on the corner of Purplemere Road and West Gate Road in the part of Mornington Village known as Manorside.

There were a number of cottages and small houses on the Purplemere road and Dulcets Lane, but Corner House was a large 8-bedroom Victorian monstrosity which had at one time been the home of the master brewer of the Mornington Brewery.

It was now the Corner Guest House run by affable landlady Kay Richardson and was where Peter Lees and Sue Alder happened to be staying, though not together as they were complete strangers.

The first time he saw her was at breakfast and he thought she was stunning, so much so that he started fantasying about her, so by the time he got up to his room he was seriously aroused and as his first appointment wasn’t until ten o’clock, he decided to take his cock to the bathroom and knock one out before work.

 

He stood in front of the bathroom mirror and looked at his huge cock, it wasn’t porn film huge but it was substantial, then he got into the shower and closed the door, and was just about to turn on the water when he heard the bathroom door open and close, and he heard feet pad on the floor while a shadow moved across the glass, so he quietly reopened the door enough so he could see out.

His first sight of the intruder was her reflection in the mirror as she stood by the toilet, and she was only wearing bra, pants, and tights, and he assumed she must have been taken short before she’d finished dressing.

He had to admit that even from behind she looked pretty special but then she turned around and his jaw dropped, it was the gorgeous girl he’d seen at breakfast.

In a perfect world he should have let her know she was not alone, but all the blood rushed headlong towards his cock when she proceeded to push her tights and knickers down to her knees.

“Thank you, God,” he said to himself as he stared transfixed at her neat brown bush before she sat down and pissed like a horse.

She closed her eyes and a contented smile spread across her face as she emptied her obviously quite voluminous bladder.

Had it been just any girl sitting half naked on the loo pissing like a fountain he would have got a lob on and he would have scanned and digested every second of it for the wank bank and recalled it at the appropriate time, but what he was looking at wasn’t just any girl, it was a stunner, a Ten, the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen, so just committing the horny image to the wank bank wasn’t enough for him, it had to be a live event, so before he knew it he was tugging furiously on his swollen cock as he watched the girl pissing, wiping and then standing.

He didn’t know it, but the girls name was Sue Alder, and to be honest he didn’t care.

She leant forward to grab the waist band of her pink knickers and her breasts hung heavily in the matching bra, before she pulled the pink scanties’ slowly and tantalisingly up her thighs to encase her deliciousness, then she repeated the operation with her tights and wriggled her cute little arse back into them, and he began to tug harder but inadvertently hit the glass with his knuckle.

“What was that?” she asked with alarm “Whose there?”

Then the shower door opened, and he was face to face with her and he let go of his cock

“Are you spying on me you pervert”

“Actually, I was here already” he pointed out, but she’d stopped listening

“Oh my God” she exclaimed wide eyed as she stared at his fully erect phallus.

Sue had flicked herself off on the bed before breakfast but didn’t have time to do herself justice, seeing his huge cock did nothing to alleviate her horniness.

Sue was by no means a virgin, but she didn’t have an excessively large number of male members to compare it too, but it was certainly the largest cock she had ever seen, other than those in porn movies, but just looking at it was arousing her, so she reached forward and took hold of it, and after stroking its length she said

“That’s far too good to pass up”

Sue then stepped into the shower, turned her back on him and proceeded to push her tights and knickers down to her knees, before leaning against the tiles and offering her pussy to him.

“First things first” he said “take your bra off”

“You’re very fussy for a pervert” she replied

“If a jobs worth doing” he retorted

“Oh, a pervert with principles” Sue said scornfully

“Do you want it or not?”

“I really do” she replied wistfully, straightening up and unhooking her bra catch and discarding the pink lacy confection, before resuming her position with her palm pressed firmly on the tiles. 

 

He was positioned behind her with his hands on her hips, and when she glanced over her shoulder, she was biting her lip, and then his bell penetrated her tight hot pussy.

“Oh, fuck yes” she yelled and then he followed through, and she exclaimed

“Jeeezus”

Then with each subsequent penetration he extracted moan after delicious moan from her, as he repeatedly slid between her liquid lips, from his swollen tip to the throbbing root of his cock and greased his balls.

Moaning loudly all the way, her head rolled from side to side, and he reached forward and cupped her hanging breasts as he prepared to take her across the finish line.

They were both watching their performance in the mirror when he had taken control, her back was arched and her head thrashing back and forth, swishing her hair like a whirling dervish, as Sue got closer to her finale, she had completely lost control and then her final orgasmic scream arrived right on cue as with his final spearing thrust, he exploded inside her.

Peter stood behind her with his hands resting on her hips savouring the moment, and he stroked her perfect smooth little buttocks absentmindedly committing every moment of that spine tingling encounter to his memory.

Then he slapped her buttock playfully and after he withdrew Sue sank to her knees on the shower floor.

“So, fucking nice” she said dreamily, and he kissed the top of her head

“You realise you and you’re big cock have made me miss my bus” she said as she tried to pull her knickers and tights back up

“Where too?”

“What?”

“Where were you taking the bus to?”

“Shallowfield” she replied “I’m starting a training course”

“That’s all right I’ll give you a lift” he said

“You already have big boy” she retorted still struggling with her tights “Can you help me; my legs are wobbly”

She’d braced herself in the corner, so he knelt in front of her and proceeded to pull her tights and knickers down to her ankles.

“No, no” she said “You’re supposed to pull them up”

“Lift your foot up, its shower time” he said

“We haven’t got time” she complained but complied anyway

“Now the other one” he instructed and again she complied

“We really don’t have time” she whined “I’ll be late, and I’ll get in trouble”

“Don’t worry” he said turning on the shower and pulling her under the spray

“You won’t be late, and you won’t get into trouble”

“You can’t know that for sure” she said

“I can because I’m one of the trainers” he said

“Oh, ok then” Sue said, and they kissed for the first time

 

When they were getting dry Sue asked

“So, as you’ll be staying here again tonight, does that mean that your impressive piece of meat is on the menu?”

“Oh yes and it’s an all you can eat buffet” he replied 

Choice Tales from the Vale – (374) Tipping the Driver

 

On the west side of Downshire is Eastchapel, a quiet medieval village living in the shadow of its noisy neighbour, the Industrial powerhouse of Northchapel and its where Mike Oliver and his fuck buddy local vet Sue Mazzone lived.

On Thursday morning Mike Oliver had his case packed for a business trip and at 9 o’clock his lift to the airport arrived, he picked up his bags and opened the door to find, not a taxi driver, but Sue Mazzone.

“Taxi for Oliver” she said

“What’s going on?” he asked “I was expecting a cab”

“You got lucky” she replied “you’ve got me instead”

“Ok then lead on” he said and closed the door behind him, and as she drove off the drive he said

“This is very kind, I owe you”

“Oh, I know” she replied, “The usual payment terms will be applied”

Five minutes later she pulled off the road and into a secluded layby.

“What are you doing?” he asked

“I need a little on account” she replied as she unzipped his fly

“We don’t have time for that” he said

“There’s always time for cock” she insisted and then he was in her mouth.

 

Five minutes after he pulled out of her juicy cunny the car pulled out of the layby and he smiled when he looked down at the growing patch of wet between her legs.

When they pulled up at the Airport drop off, he kissed her and said,

“Thanks for the lift and your delightful payment terms”

“I’ll pick you up on Sunday and you can fuck me again on the way home” she replied lustily

“Deal”

Choice Tales from the Vale – (373) Family Friendship

 

At the western end of the Finchbottom Vale lays the small market town of Childean, and on modern estate on the outskirts, in a nice modern house, in a quiet cul-de-sac is the home of the Grant family and over the August Bank Holiday old family friend

Kelly Bakewell was a guest.

Twenty-two-year-old Stuart Grant was the only one of the Grant’s children who still lived at home and on Sunday his parents were out all day, leaving him alone with Kelly.

As it was a sunny day and their garden was a suntrap, Kelly had decided to sunbathe and when he went downstairs, he saw Kelly standing on the patio wearing a two-piece swimsuit, not a bikini per se as the bottom half weren’t briefs, they were more like shorts, and Stuart knew very well why she was wearing them.

She wore shorts rather than Bikini briefs because the latter would not have contained her luscious hairy bush.

He knew that for a fact because his hand had often dallied amongst the most spectacular thatch he had ever seen, touched, or smelt.

He and Kelly had enjoyed a very special summer enjoying each other, but she had ended it because she was four years older than him.

But as he stared at her while she stood with her back to him on the patio, he knew he still loved her.

As he stepped up closer behind her he could see her shoulders were shaking, and that was because she was crying.

“What’s wrong Kelly?” he asked, and she turned towards him, and the floodgates opened.

It turned out that the tears were because she felt guilty, guilty for ending it with him, and hurting him so much, and it was true that he was devastated at the time.

“It’s not just guilt though” she admitted “I also realised when I saw you again that I never stopped loving you”

 

The tears fell unabated, so they sat on the lawn, on the towel she had prepared, and he consoled her while he waited for the tears to subside.

Then they lay on the towel and spooned, and she lay there silently in his arms, but grasped his hand in hers and put it to her lips and kissed it and then they drifted off to asleep in that blissful position.

 

He wasn’t sure how long he’d slept but when he awoke, he was surprised and delighted to find Kelly was playing with his cock with one hand while the other one was in her shorts fingering her pussy.

“Mmmmm” she sighed as he kissed her neck and his hand crept up under her Bikini top and fondled her breast, she wasn’t enormously well endowed, but her nipples were huge and stiff, and as fat as his little finger, the areolas were incredibly sensitive, and she squirmed and fidgeted as he toyed.

Her fingers were still busily employed between her lips as his hand moved down her belly to replace them with his own.

“Mmmmm” she acquiesced as his fingers crept closer and closer, arriving first at the thick tangle of pubic hair, a brief pause and then they were awash in her hot juice, slipping and sliding between her lips and he thought her little fingers had not toiled in vain as by anyone’s standards her pussy was incredibly wet.

Her other hand was still on his cock as her head craned back towards him, so her animal moans filled the garden as he frigged her until she came, hard.

Her other hand, with fingers still moist from her frigging, reached between her legs and grabbed his cock from its partner and thrust it roughly up the leg of her shorts and into her hot cunny.

Once he was well inside her she used one hand to brace herself so she could thrust down onto his advance and when she was moaning through gritted teeth, she went rigid and screamed.

“Mmmmm” Kelly murmured as she relaxed into his arms, and there they lay, at peace in the afterglow, him still inside her, until they went to sleep again.

Choice Tales from the Vale – (372) Woodland Proposal

 

Chris Saunders and Claire Paddon had lived in Shallowfield all their lives and so they were no strangers to Teardrop Lake.

The Lake was shaped like a teardrop, hence its name, and was surrounded by the ancient woodland of the Dancingdean Forest.

It wasn’t a huge body of water, just over two miles long and almost a mile at its widest point.

One hot summer Saturday they were walking along the Northern Perimeter road and were just approaching the 16th Century Stone bridge when Chris said he was starting to feel the heat so he suggested they leave the road in favour of the coolness of the woods in a dense area of ancient woodland, and followed the path that threaded its way through the woods, a well-trod path that meandered its way towards the waterfall and halfway along the path, they heard the sound of gurgling water.

The sound grew louder and louder with every yard they climbed until eventually they reached Shoe Buckle Falls.

It was so named, so legend had it, after a 17th century fugitive Cavalier who was pursued into the forest by Parliamentarian troops but disappeared in the vicinity of the falls without leaving any other trace other than a shoe buckle that they found in the vicinity.

When they reached the falls, he said

“It’s a bit cooler up here”

“I’m not sure you lured me into the woods so I could cool down” She retorted “You’re more interested in getting me hot”

“Well, you’re partly right” he said and turned to face her

“Oh?” she said, “Which part?”

“I didn’t get you up here to cool down” he confessed

“So why are we here?” she asked suspiciously

“So, I can ask you to marry me?” he asked

“What?” she exclaimed

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes, of course I’ll marry you” she replied and kissed him

When she released him, he slipped the ring on her finger and Claire audibly gasped as she looked at the ring then at him then at the ring again.

“It’s a bit big so we’ll need to get it resized” he said

“You can’t have it back” she said adamantly, and it slipped off her finger and bounced off the log she was standing beside and landed by his feet, but Claire didn’t notice where it dropped. 

“It must have bounced over here” she said as she stood on tiptoe and lent over the trunk amongst the undergrowth, the result of which for Chris was a perfect view of her white pants.

She was poking about at the undergrowth the other side of the tree with her hand trying to feel for the ring, and as she reached further and further, she caused a delightful quiver of her buttocks.

Chris picked up the ring and enjoyed the magnificent view of her cute buttocks jiggling in front of him.

“It must be in here” she said
“Can you see anything from where you are?
“No I can’t see it yet” he replied then she wriggled forward slightly until her toes were off the floor and exposed more of her lovely arse.

Then in an effort to prevent her overbalancing her left leg shot out sideways and the resulting rearrangement of her buttocks caused her left cheek to become completely exposed as the knicker leg rolled into her bum crack.

He could hear Claire muttering as she wriggled again on the log and wispy strands of curly hair appeared visible against her white panties.

“Can you see it yet?”

“No not yet” he replied lustfully staring at her crotch as she wriggled again, and he was staring libidinously at her glistening Minge

 “I can see it now” he said,
“Really? do you think you can reach it?”
“Oh yes Claire, no problem I’ll have my hand on it any second”
Then he slipped two fingers straight between her lips before she knew what was happening.

“There I’ve got it” he said as his fingers entered her damp crack
“Oh Chris, what…? Mm”
She was only slightly moist when he first fingered her gash, but she lathered up very quickly and was soon very creamy.

As he continued to frig her, she was moaning rhythmically to his touch and the tone of her moans was as syrupy as her pussy until he brought her to climax, and it was time to fuck her.

As he continued to stroke her quim, he dropped his shorts and took out his cock, pulling on it to expose his purple helmet. 

Chris pushed his thumb inside the elastic of her panties and pulled the fabric aside to fully exposed her hairy cunny, Claire moaned as he rubbed his knob along her wet slit and her juice glistened on his bell end in the dappled sunlight and he repeated this again and again and each time her moan grew louder, then she could wait no longer and wriggled back towards him like a fish and slid down his shaft, letting out the loudest moan of pleasure as he entered, and her velvet juices immersed his member like warm honey and she moaned audibly with pleasure, as she gripped on to the tree and he pounded her pussy from behind.

He reached up and yanked her shirt from her waistband and groped her little tits.

Her moans gave way to yelps and squeals, growing ever more intense as his rhythm increased, until she screamed, and her body shuddered and then he shot into her, his cock was still twitching inside her hot pussy as she relaxed and let out a long languorous sigh.

After a moment or two, he kissed her on the neck and withdrew his cock from her fanny and she sighed again.

As Chris redressed himself Claire was still clinging onto the tree

periodically sighing as she lay in exactly the same position as she was when he pulled out of her and with each sigh her left leg twitched.

After a few minutes and several more satisfied sighs she slid herself off the tree trunk and her legs almost gave way, and she giggled.

“That was really lovely” she said and kissed him.

“Oh shit” she exclaimed

“What’s the matter?” he asked

“My ring, I have to find my ring” Claire said in a panic

“It’s in my pocket” he said

“What? Did you have it all the time” she asked, and he nodded

“I hate you” she said but undermined her statement by kissing him very passionately.