Choice Tales from the Vale – (254) There’ll be Nun of that

He did not possessed any high principles, he did hold certain standards and preferences but they were at best flexible.
But despite his penchant for all things crumpet, he did always try to avoid fishing in someone else’s pond, no matter how attractive the body of water might be.
You might call it a code but he had eventually abandoned it after repeatedly failing to meet his own exceptionally low standards and had repeated his failures on numerous occasions since.
If he did possess any scruples he had shown by his behaviour that they could be overcome, as his many peccadilloes could testify to.

So when Sister Gloria of the Mary of Bethany Convent in Finchbottom made a pass at him, courtesy of an over indulgence on communion wine, he surprised himself when he declined her advances and broke away from her embrace.
“Are you worried about your immortal soul?” She asked with a chuckle
“Because I would think you’re probably damned already for all the sinning you’ve done”
“No of course not” he snapped
“I’m more concerned about yours”
“Oh that” she said, “well I’m of a purer bent than you and I shall merely have to repent my misdemeanour”
He looked at her doubtfully
“Look I have my faith,” she said with conviction “I know that I have eternal life awaiting me”
“I can’t do it with a nun” he retorted and kissed her on the forehead and then left.
He didn’t know why he didn’t accept Gloria’s invitation to canoodle, it certainly wasn’t through a lack of attraction or even what she was wearing, he liked uniforms and outfits, and vestments certainly didn’t put him off.
He didn’t even think it was because she was a nun although had she been in any other vocation he would probably have jumped her bones in a second.
But as he walked away the overwhelming feeling was not that he was growing a spine or at the very least getting a conscience but he wasn’t kidding himself.
What really stopped him was she thought that having sex with a philanderer was sin free.
Making him feel like a vegetable in a slimmer’s diet plan.
In fact he was so miffed that he went straight to a pub and picked up the first available girl he could find and split her whiskers over the bonnet of a BMW in the pub carpark just to reinforce his reputation as a philanderer.